I love this time of year! I love the romance of Christmas and New Years. I know people think I am nuts when I say Christmas is a romantic time, but, from a Christian stand point, I think it is, a birth of a baby is very romantic, if you think of it, and the fact that the child grew up to be the man who would forgive our sins, now that can be romantic. Look how many jewelry commercials there are out there around this time of year, from necklaces, to earrings, to diamond engagement rings, this is not only the most wonderful time of the year, but it also the most romantic. My youngest sister married in December, as well, and it was very romantic, at twilight with candles, white and red colors.....
But, this time of year is also full of miracles. I love the idea of Santa Claus, so much so, I still believe in him. I know where the toys come from, I found out when I was a preteen and I had younger sisters, and we found out together, but, we agreed to continue with the belief, partly because of our parents, I think. My dad was big on Christmas and I have so many traditions because of him, and one of them being to continue to believe in Santa Claus, another miracle maker. To this day, as an adult, I have silently "prayed" or asked for things and somehow they seem to arrive on my doorstep a few days before or the day of Christmas. There is magic in the air during the holidays and I love it. We don't always have to know where or how, we just need to believe that its going to be there under our tree.
So, this holiday season I hope you are full of empowerment and if you don't feel that you are, then borrow it from believing in not only one of the most wonderful, but one of the most romantic times of the years. We all have the power to make changes happen and in receiving what it is that we want most. The power is in them shoes!
If you are interested in receiving individual relationship coaching, a new love for a new year! please contact me at mindfulcoachingandtherapy@gmail.com.
This blog is to help remind women, they can keep their power. Mary Speight, MA, LMFT is an Author, Reiki Practitioner, Relationship Coach and Licensed Therapist.
Holidays....
I am a HUGE fan of the holidays and my birthday kicks off the festivities, I love it! But, what I'm not a fan of is the stress that comes from what is supposed to be a great and wonderful time. I usually make my Christmas gifts. There was a time when I had no money, I mean none, I was close to being evicted, utilities were shut off and my best friend was making me care packages and I had to move out of the house I was renting quickly and my boyfriend at the time was no help. He actually got fired from his job and went into a severe depression and well, that was that.
So, I made my own ornaments and I loved them. They were little boots and stars, made out of harden clay, which I actually used flour, salt and water and cream of tartar. So, non-edible. But, since then, because money was so scarce, I silently vowed I would start making gifts and Christmas things. I'm not working my practice this month, so that means no additional money coming in, and I'm making edible gifts this year. But, it can be so stressful, can't it? I'm on my feet in the kitchen what seems like non-stop. I've got my head in a cook book or my eyes scanning the internet looking for delicious and quick little recipes and I feel like I'm missing out on the Christmas fun. Oh, I've got my music playing holiday music non-stop, but, I'm tired and I'm stressed.
I realized this morning, and the reason for this blog, I don't have to be stressed. There is power in realizing the joy and the happiness is still there and it hasn't left, and I don't have to be in the kitchen or on the internet, again today, not unless I am doing something totally unrelated to the holiday. What an empowering feeling. I am free to make choices and decisions and if things don't ALL get done, well, the truth is, maybe it wasn't all that necessary to beginning with.
Next week is Christmas and the following week is New Year's Eve. Stop and take a moment and reflect on this past year and try to be satisfied with where you are right now in your life, good, bad or indifferent. You can't change what has already happened, but, you can definitely change the present, so that your future will be just a little bit brighter. Enjoy this moment and recognize you do have the power and its in them shoes!
So, I made my own ornaments and I loved them. They were little boots and stars, made out of harden clay, which I actually used flour, salt and water and cream of tartar. So, non-edible. But, since then, because money was so scarce, I silently vowed I would start making gifts and Christmas things. I'm not working my practice this month, so that means no additional money coming in, and I'm making edible gifts this year. But, it can be so stressful, can't it? I'm on my feet in the kitchen what seems like non-stop. I've got my head in a cook book or my eyes scanning the internet looking for delicious and quick little recipes and I feel like I'm missing out on the Christmas fun. Oh, I've got my music playing holiday music non-stop, but, I'm tired and I'm stressed.
I realized this morning, and the reason for this blog, I don't have to be stressed. There is power in realizing the joy and the happiness is still there and it hasn't left, and I don't have to be in the kitchen or on the internet, again today, not unless I am doing something totally unrelated to the holiday. What an empowering feeling. I am free to make choices and decisions and if things don't ALL get done, well, the truth is, maybe it wasn't all that necessary to beginning with.
Next week is Christmas and the following week is New Year's Eve. Stop and take a moment and reflect on this past year and try to be satisfied with where you are right now in your life, good, bad or indifferent. You can't change what has already happened, but, you can definitely change the present, so that your future will be just a little bit brighter. Enjoy this moment and recognize you do have the power and its in them shoes!
Happy Holidays!!!
Power of discernment and to act
I've been thinking about the book I wrote, Kiss to Betrayal Coming Through Emotional and Mental Abuse (shameless plug, I know). I've been thinking about the relationship I endured for twelve years. It was a relationship of convenience, one in which I chose to stay and one that I thought was the best thing for me.
I am currently working on another book named Three A.M. Conversations with God and one of the things that brought my train of thought to the first book was discernment. Right now, I am going with the dictionary meaning of having keen insight or judgement. In that 12 year relationship, my insight or judgment was impaired due to a blind love I had for a man who only loved with conditions, limits, boundaries and rules. It wasn't until towards the end of the relationship did I pray for discernment, the true ability to trust my insight and judgement and for the strength to act upon what I knew to be the truth.
The power of discernment is very strong. We all have it and from time to time we use it, but, we have moments in our lives that there appears to be a lapse in judgment. I have no regrets over the relationship because I learned from it and I grew and matured because of it. And because I prayed for and received discernment, I can trust that it won't go away, I just need to trust myself and believe that I have the strength and fortitude to break out of the unpleasantness of a relationship, if it isn't right for me.
If you are struggling in a relationship and you aren't certain what you should do, believe you have the ability to discern what is good and what isn't working for you. Then trust that you are empowered to make a move, to act and get out of the relationship or at least make a choice to work at making it better. Remember, the power is in them shoes.
I am currently working on another book named Three A.M. Conversations with God and one of the things that brought my train of thought to the first book was discernment. Right now, I am going with the dictionary meaning of having keen insight or judgement. In that 12 year relationship, my insight or judgment was impaired due to a blind love I had for a man who only loved with conditions, limits, boundaries and rules. It wasn't until towards the end of the relationship did I pray for discernment, the true ability to trust my insight and judgement and for the strength to act upon what I knew to be the truth.
The power of discernment is very strong. We all have it and from time to time we use it, but, we have moments in our lives that there appears to be a lapse in judgment. I have no regrets over the relationship because I learned from it and I grew and matured because of it. And because I prayed for and received discernment, I can trust that it won't go away, I just need to trust myself and believe that I have the strength and fortitude to break out of the unpleasantness of a relationship, if it isn't right for me.
If you are struggling in a relationship and you aren't certain what you should do, believe you have the ability to discern what is good and what isn't working for you. Then trust that you are empowered to make a move, to act and get out of the relationship or at least make a choice to work at making it better. Remember, the power is in them shoes.
How powerful is waiting?
Its becoming that time of year again, when the weather starts to change, and if we're lucky, there is snow on the ground, or its raining and the wind is blowing, all depending on where in the world you are residing.
Its the 4th of December here in California and the weather is changing, and, I've decided to get a jump on my Christmas baking and gift giving, doing a lot of "dry" runs on baking, making sure everything taste right before I make that batch of cookies and deliver them. There seems to be a theme running this year with me. Last year, I made home made gifts and burned my forearm on the iron. This year happens to be no different, I am making home made gifts and I burned BOTH hands holding melted sugar....I know, I know...I wasn't thinking and now I have a huge blister in the middle of my palm, of my right hand. The swelling has gone down quite a bit, I am able to type, but, it has become a nuisance.
This all has brought me to stop and think about some things. For my private practice I am having to wait to have my license renewed before I can continue seeing clients, so, that means, I get a "vacation". I've also been sick and that has caused me to slow down a bit as well, and now I burned my hands, and for several days, I've had to stop and slow down and let someone else help me. Waiting. I'm not a fan of it, yet, I've been told I am one of the most patient people in the world, I'm really not a huge fan of waiting and relying on others, including my own body to heal. Silly, I know, but, I also think there are others of you out there who have the same frustration. I knew that the license renewal was/is going to take some time, and I am okay with the waiting, but, being in pain and not feeling well can bring on additional stress because there is so much that needs to be done, and I don't have time to sit and HEAL.
I challenge you to stop in the next few days, even the next few weeks, and allow yourself to heal. No matter what it is that you are going through, no matter whether it is trying to stop smoking or drinking, or you are frustrated because something didn't go right for you, or if you are working through a broken relationship and it doesn't matter who that happens to be with give yourself some time to heal. Allow God or the Universe to work their "magic" and heal your body and soul. But, you've got to sit and be still and wait, even if that means allowing someone to take care of you or handle whatever it is that needs to be done. The power is in waiting and you are empowered to do it. Then once you are healthy and happy, again, you will have the strength to carry on and complete all those tasks that you thought were so important.
Remember, there is power in them shoes.
Its the 4th of December here in California and the weather is changing, and, I've decided to get a jump on my Christmas baking and gift giving, doing a lot of "dry" runs on baking, making sure everything taste right before I make that batch of cookies and deliver them. There seems to be a theme running this year with me. Last year, I made home made gifts and burned my forearm on the iron. This year happens to be no different, I am making home made gifts and I burned BOTH hands holding melted sugar....I know, I know...I wasn't thinking and now I have a huge blister in the middle of my palm, of my right hand. The swelling has gone down quite a bit, I am able to type, but, it has become a nuisance.
This all has brought me to stop and think about some things. For my private practice I am having to wait to have my license renewed before I can continue seeing clients, so, that means, I get a "vacation". I've also been sick and that has caused me to slow down a bit as well, and now I burned my hands, and for several days, I've had to stop and slow down and let someone else help me. Waiting. I'm not a fan of it, yet, I've been told I am one of the most patient people in the world, I'm really not a huge fan of waiting and relying on others, including my own body to heal. Silly, I know, but, I also think there are others of you out there who have the same frustration. I knew that the license renewal was/is going to take some time, and I am okay with the waiting, but, being in pain and not feeling well can bring on additional stress because there is so much that needs to be done, and I don't have time to sit and HEAL.
I challenge you to stop in the next few days, even the next few weeks, and allow yourself to heal. No matter what it is that you are going through, no matter whether it is trying to stop smoking or drinking, or you are frustrated because something didn't go right for you, or if you are working through a broken relationship and it doesn't matter who that happens to be with give yourself some time to heal. Allow God or the Universe to work their "magic" and heal your body and soul. But, you've got to sit and be still and wait, even if that means allowing someone to take care of you or handle whatever it is that needs to be done. The power is in waiting and you are empowered to do it. Then once you are healthy and happy, again, you will have the strength to carry on and complete all those tasks that you thought were so important.
Remember, there is power in them shoes.
Blessings in Disguise. The Power in Acceptance
If you are interested in personal coaching, you can email me at mindfulcoachingandtherapy@gmail.com
Blessing in Disguise....what is it? I wrote a blog earlier about disappointment and I touched a little on blessings in disguise. I think a blessing in disguise is a miracle handed to you on a silver platter. Whether you believing in God or not, what ever you call your Higher Power, these are handed to us in the most frustrating, stressful or disappointing times. I believe, sometimes a blessing in disguise can even stop us from doing something we shouldn't do or even need to do. Case in point, you need to pay a bill, and you expect to have the money, but something happens to keep you from sending the money, which then would only incur fees, if you wrote a bad check. Or, when you are supposed to be somewhere and you hit ever red light on the way, the Universe is telling you to slow down so you can avoid causing or being in an accident that just happened two minutes ahead of you, causing you to be just as late.
When we open ourselves up and allow God or the Universe to direct us and guide us, we are allowing the blessing in disguise to move towards us and we can see the miracle for what it is. We may be given a reprieve from something that has been keeping us stuck and allowing us to take a step back to see another avenue or another direction. This next month I will be granted time to finish some projects that have been placed on hold, because of something I didn't follow through on, though I had every intention, but small road blocks where placed before me that if I allowed myself to think negatively, I would be frustrated or stressed.
Allow yourself to not get caught up in the negative of the moment, and see that there could very well be a blessing in disguise in your situation. You have the power to accept the situation for what it is, and allow the blessing to happen. You have the power and its in them shoes.
Make it a great day! Blessings!
Blessing in Disguise....what is it? I wrote a blog earlier about disappointment and I touched a little on blessings in disguise. I think a blessing in disguise is a miracle handed to you on a silver platter. Whether you believing in God or not, what ever you call your Higher Power, these are handed to us in the most frustrating, stressful or disappointing times. I believe, sometimes a blessing in disguise can even stop us from doing something we shouldn't do or even need to do. Case in point, you need to pay a bill, and you expect to have the money, but something happens to keep you from sending the money, which then would only incur fees, if you wrote a bad check. Or, when you are supposed to be somewhere and you hit ever red light on the way, the Universe is telling you to slow down so you can avoid causing or being in an accident that just happened two minutes ahead of you, causing you to be just as late.
When we open ourselves up and allow God or the Universe to direct us and guide us, we are allowing the blessing in disguise to move towards us and we can see the miracle for what it is. We may be given a reprieve from something that has been keeping us stuck and allowing us to take a step back to see another avenue or another direction. This next month I will be granted time to finish some projects that have been placed on hold, because of something I didn't follow through on, though I had every intention, but small road blocks where placed before me that if I allowed myself to think negatively, I would be frustrated or stressed.
Allow yourself to not get caught up in the negative of the moment, and see that there could very well be a blessing in disguise in your situation. You have the power to accept the situation for what it is, and allow the blessing to happen. You have the power and its in them shoes.
Make it a great day! Blessings!
Just Fix it!
I believe most people are able to make decisions and follow through without need of assistance, but there are few of us out there that struggle and we look for someone to show us how to change things for ourselves.
We all have the know how to take care of ourselves. We know when something is wrong, ie, when we are catching a cold or feel a headache coming on. We also know when something emotionally and mentally isn't right with ourselves, yet, unlike taking an aspirin or going for the homeopathic to stop the cold quicker, we want to become powerless, or the victim. There is no power in playing the victim. Let me say that again, THERE IS NO POWER IN PLAYING THE VICTIM.
I have a client who shared a story with me about how her husband would ignore her phone calls or text messages after a while. She wasn't calling to nag or text to remind him of something, but, sometimes she was calling to talk on the commute home from work or even inviting him out to meet her for dinner. This soon became habitual and she was growing angrier and angrier each time he did it. One night after work, she called him and this time he answered. She explained to him she didn't like that he was ignoring her calls or text messages and she didn't care about the excuses or his justifications, but only that he needed to fix it. She explained he knew what the problem was and she didn't care to know, but only that he fix it.
When I heard this I loved it! She wouldn't allow herself to be a victim, to run the what ifs in her head, ie, "What if he is with another woman?" "What if he were this or that?" those things never really seemed to cross her mind, if they did, she didn't allow them to take root. She empowered herself and stood up for herself and recognized it wasn't her problem, but his.
We all have things in our lives that we don't want to deal with or look at or even consider, but, sometimes we allow ourselves to become victims to those circumstances, issues or situations. Stand up for herself, empower yourself and just fix it! No more excuses. Ladies, the power is in them shoes!
We all have the know how to take care of ourselves. We know when something is wrong, ie, when we are catching a cold or feel a headache coming on. We also know when something emotionally and mentally isn't right with ourselves, yet, unlike taking an aspirin or going for the homeopathic to stop the cold quicker, we want to become powerless, or the victim. There is no power in playing the victim. Let me say that again, THERE IS NO POWER IN PLAYING THE VICTIM.
I have a client who shared a story with me about how her husband would ignore her phone calls or text messages after a while. She wasn't calling to nag or text to remind him of something, but, sometimes she was calling to talk on the commute home from work or even inviting him out to meet her for dinner. This soon became habitual and she was growing angrier and angrier each time he did it. One night after work, she called him and this time he answered. She explained to him she didn't like that he was ignoring her calls or text messages and she didn't care about the excuses or his justifications, but only that he needed to fix it. She explained he knew what the problem was and she didn't care to know, but only that he fix it.
When I heard this I loved it! She wouldn't allow herself to be a victim, to run the what ifs in her head, ie, "What if he is with another woman?" "What if he were this or that?" those things never really seemed to cross her mind, if they did, she didn't allow them to take root. She empowered herself and stood up for herself and recognized it wasn't her problem, but his.
We all have things in our lives that we don't want to deal with or look at or even consider, but, sometimes we allow ourselves to become victims to those circumstances, issues or situations. Stand up for herself, empower yourself and just fix it! No more excuses. Ladies, the power is in them shoes!
Power in disappointmet
I don't think anyone wants to be disappointed, but if we look at disappointment that it can be a blessing in disguise, I believe there would be a greater sense of understanding, that not all things are going to work to our advantage right off the bat, or that what we think is good for us, really isn't.
I'm thinking about times I have been disappointed throughout my life. I've also thought of times when I have disappointed others, realizing that I wasn't meant to be either in their lives or they in mine, or the timing wasn't right. I am currently providing therapy for a eight year old, boy, who can't seem to let go of the idea that when someone does him wrong, he is entitled to stay angry about it all day long, even into his evening. At eight years old, life is unfair, in fact, life is always unfair, but, at what point do we come to the realization that life is full of disappointments, but, we don't need to stay angry and hurt all day long, even carrying it into our evening. (Rest of our lives).
The power I am speaking of is understanding that you don't have to allow an unfair situation keep you from looking forward or ahead in life. Sometimes when something unfair happens, ie, denied something that you want, it can be a blessing in disguise. Looking back at those things that I thought was a disappointment turned out to be a blessing. I loved and lived with a man for 12 years and it was an emotionally abusive relationship, but, I wanted to be married to him and have a family. Now, that we are no longer together and I am emotionally healthy, I can see that being married to him wouldn't have been a blessing, at all, but, a nightmare and I could have carried the emotion of disappointment with me well into other relationships. I could have given my power to the disappointment allowing it to feed and make my life unbearable.
When life seems to throw you a disappointment, try to take a step back and not give power to the emotion of sadness or anger. Allow the process to happen, and give yourself a chance to let what the real blessing is meant to be-happen. You have the power and its in them shoes.
I'm thinking about times I have been disappointed throughout my life. I've also thought of times when I have disappointed others, realizing that I wasn't meant to be either in their lives or they in mine, or the timing wasn't right. I am currently providing therapy for a eight year old, boy, who can't seem to let go of the idea that when someone does him wrong, he is entitled to stay angry about it all day long, even into his evening. At eight years old, life is unfair, in fact, life is always unfair, but, at what point do we come to the realization that life is full of disappointments, but, we don't need to stay angry and hurt all day long, even carrying it into our evening. (Rest of our lives).
The power I am speaking of is understanding that you don't have to allow an unfair situation keep you from looking forward or ahead in life. Sometimes when something unfair happens, ie, denied something that you want, it can be a blessing in disguise. Looking back at those things that I thought was a disappointment turned out to be a blessing. I loved and lived with a man for 12 years and it was an emotionally abusive relationship, but, I wanted to be married to him and have a family. Now, that we are no longer together and I am emotionally healthy, I can see that being married to him wouldn't have been a blessing, at all, but, a nightmare and I could have carried the emotion of disappointment with me well into other relationships. I could have given my power to the disappointment allowing it to feed and make my life unbearable.
When life seems to throw you a disappointment, try to take a step back and not give power to the emotion of sadness or anger. Allow the process to happen, and give yourself a chance to let what the real blessing is meant to be-happen. You have the power and its in them shoes.
My birthday month and I'm feeling empowered!
Typically, most women don't want to celebrate their birthdays. They don't want to recognize they are getting another year older and that life is passing them by, or that they haven't accomplished everything they wanted in life.
I love my birthdays. Usually when November 1st hits, I am excited. I am living with much anticipation of what is to come, not just for the day, but, for another year of life. I always celebrated my birthday. Usually with cake and ice cream and my parents singing Happy Birthday to me and this year will be no different, except, my father has been dead for 12 years and in honoring him on my day, I buy a small white cake (he liked white cake) and usually at around dinner time, 5 or 6 pm, I spend time with him, hearing him sing Happy Birthday to me.
I saw a movie today, Last Vegas with Michael Douglas, Robert DeNiro, Morgan Freeman and Kevin Kline. It was a great movie and there is a line where Michael Douglas's character, Billy, says that he is old and to be with a younger woman made him feel young again. Seventeen was just a few years ago, and then you turn around and its gone. (I paraphrased that). But, I so know what he means, but, I am enjoying this process of maturing and becoming wiser as I age. Certain things no longer matter and the responsibilities I have no longer seem so insurmountable, but very doable, they aren't responsibilities, they are a part of life. Becoming wiser and more mature, means realizing that I have the POWER to be and do and have and no longer accept what I don't want in my life. Since I turned 40 and every year I've been blessed to receive, I have come to realize that certain things are no longer that important and I can have my life anyway I want it. If I want to be unhappy, I can be, and it is unfair for me to ask others to join in my pity parties, so, I chose to be happy, but not just content. I want more than what I have, meaning, I want better than what I have and still thoroughly enjoy what I do have, I just more of it. :-) and I can make it that way, because I know that I am empowered to do so. I don't need someone else to give me what I want, its a lot more fun when I can share it with my loved ones, friends and family, but, I am okay being alone, because I'm not lonely. I can say, I love myself and mean it, and honestly say, I like who I am and where I am going in my life, because I, by the Grace of God, am able to do so.
I will be 46 years old on the 21st of November and every day this month I am celebrating my life by doing things I want to do when I want to do it. I am no longer neglecting myself or putting me on the back burner, done that for a while now. So, I am challenging myself and I am challenging you, no matter how old you are, create a bucket list. I'm redoing my bucket list and by the time I turn 50 there will be things I will accomplish, because I can. Because there is power in my shoes!
I love my birthdays. Usually when November 1st hits, I am excited. I am living with much anticipation of what is to come, not just for the day, but, for another year of life. I always celebrated my birthday. Usually with cake and ice cream and my parents singing Happy Birthday to me and this year will be no different, except, my father has been dead for 12 years and in honoring him on my day, I buy a small white cake (he liked white cake) and usually at around dinner time, 5 or 6 pm, I spend time with him, hearing him sing Happy Birthday to me.
I saw a movie today, Last Vegas with Michael Douglas, Robert DeNiro, Morgan Freeman and Kevin Kline. It was a great movie and there is a line where Michael Douglas's character, Billy, says that he is old and to be with a younger woman made him feel young again. Seventeen was just a few years ago, and then you turn around and its gone. (I paraphrased that). But, I so know what he means, but, I am enjoying this process of maturing and becoming wiser as I age. Certain things no longer matter and the responsibilities I have no longer seem so insurmountable, but very doable, they aren't responsibilities, they are a part of life. Becoming wiser and more mature, means realizing that I have the POWER to be and do and have and no longer accept what I don't want in my life. Since I turned 40 and every year I've been blessed to receive, I have come to realize that certain things are no longer that important and I can have my life anyway I want it. If I want to be unhappy, I can be, and it is unfair for me to ask others to join in my pity parties, so, I chose to be happy, but not just content. I want more than what I have, meaning, I want better than what I have and still thoroughly enjoy what I do have, I just more of it. :-) and I can make it that way, because I know that I am empowered to do so. I don't need someone else to give me what I want, its a lot more fun when I can share it with my loved ones, friends and family, but, I am okay being alone, because I'm not lonely. I can say, I love myself and mean it, and honestly say, I like who I am and where I am going in my life, because I, by the Grace of God, am able to do so.
I will be 46 years old on the 21st of November and every day this month I am celebrating my life by doing things I want to do when I want to do it. I am no longer neglecting myself or putting me on the back burner, done that for a while now. So, I am challenging myself and I am challenging you, no matter how old you are, create a bucket list. I'm redoing my bucket list and by the time I turn 50 there will be things I will accomplish, because I can. Because there is power in my shoes!
Power in Providing, Power in Gratitude
I do hope you receive the message in this post today. I felt moved to write this.
I've been grappling with the feeling of responsibility lately. Even had a conversation with my personal therapist about this recently, too.
I consider myself a very responsible person. I had my first car when I was 16 and quickly got a job, though I didn't have to, my parents never said I had to have one. I followed all the rules and tried not to break any laws that would cause me to go to jail or prison and I can say I've don't pretty well for myself. Several years later, in 2011 I lost my job, lost my car and my apartment. But I stayed faithful and ended up with two jobs, two cars and two houses the following year. I then realized recently, I have two cars and a house in my name without having any money, all because I have stayed faithful.
Yet, I learned something even BIGGER! I was "rewarded" these very things because staying faithful, I Provided for someone else. My room mate is a veteran, who was medically discharged from the Army with a seizure disorder. He opened his home to me when I lost mine and my job and because of this, not only did I have my family, I had him, as well. But, now, its time for me to be responsible for him, not just myself, financially, and I have been finding this to be a struggle. I have been presented numerous times with opportunities to open a private practice in my current city and I have been dragging my feet, even while in the process, I am dragging my feet, kicking and screaming, "NO! I won't do it!" But, God is awesome in reminding me of my plight two years prior and that I remained faithful to him and he Provided for me, it is now my turn to pay it forward.
I feel empowered and not powerless and I don't believe during the time when I lost everything did I feel powerless, I believe then I felt more empowered to see things clearly and not be bogged down by the responsibilities, and, now, I am able to provide for someone who went out of his way to help me, because I was there for him one night he collapsed and he subsequently opened his house for me. Most people would have said we are now even, but, our friendship is greater than that and I am able to provide him with God's love and be his support. It doesn't matter what you provide for others, as long as its POSITIVE. When you give to someone in need or when you help someone who is struggling just the same as you are, there is Power in the Gratitude.
I've been grappling with the feeling of responsibility lately. Even had a conversation with my personal therapist about this recently, too.
I consider myself a very responsible person. I had my first car when I was 16 and quickly got a job, though I didn't have to, my parents never said I had to have one. I followed all the rules and tried not to break any laws that would cause me to go to jail or prison and I can say I've don't pretty well for myself. Several years later, in 2011 I lost my job, lost my car and my apartment. But I stayed faithful and ended up with two jobs, two cars and two houses the following year. I then realized recently, I have two cars and a house in my name without having any money, all because I have stayed faithful.
Yet, I learned something even BIGGER! I was "rewarded" these very things because staying faithful, I Provided for someone else. My room mate is a veteran, who was medically discharged from the Army with a seizure disorder. He opened his home to me when I lost mine and my job and because of this, not only did I have my family, I had him, as well. But, now, its time for me to be responsible for him, not just myself, financially, and I have been finding this to be a struggle. I have been presented numerous times with opportunities to open a private practice in my current city and I have been dragging my feet, even while in the process, I am dragging my feet, kicking and screaming, "NO! I won't do it!" But, God is awesome in reminding me of my plight two years prior and that I remained faithful to him and he Provided for me, it is now my turn to pay it forward.
I feel empowered and not powerless and I don't believe during the time when I lost everything did I feel powerless, I believe then I felt more empowered to see things clearly and not be bogged down by the responsibilities, and, now, I am able to provide for someone who went out of his way to help me, because I was there for him one night he collapsed and he subsequently opened his house for me. Most people would have said we are now even, but, our friendship is greater than that and I am able to provide him with God's love and be his support. It doesn't matter what you provide for others, as long as its POSITIVE. When you give to someone in need or when you help someone who is struggling just the same as you are, there is Power in the Gratitude.
"I feel pretty" - Leonard Berstein
I've been thinking about self-esteem and how it plays into our thoughts of empowerment or feeling that we are or aren't powerful.
I am certain there are plenty of powerful women in this world who don't feel pretty, but, yet, are highly capable of running their country, their communities, their corporations, families, etc. But, why is it that beauty has be rolled up into power? Personally, I think, sexy rolls up into power or empowerment, but, if you aren't feeling sexy, then you aren't exactly feeling pretty, are you?
When I work with young girls, preteens and teenagers and self-esteem is the issue, I discuss with them what their definition of pretty or beautiful would be. And then I ask them, what do you think power or being empowered is? Its interesting the varying answers. But, the underlying message is still the same, because something didn't work out or someone doesn't like them, its all has to do with looks or not being this or that, or having this or that, ie, the right clothes, the right car, hanging out with the wrong crowd or the right crowd.
I find it alarming when an 8 year old (who is still very much growing and hasn't started puberty, yet) says she feels fat, or the clothes she wears are uncomfortable and she's fat. This isn't the message she gets from her mother, but that isn't always the case, either. She doesn't seem to get the concept that she is still growing and maturing and her body is changing and morphing and she isn't fat. These concepts aren't just female specific. Young boys and men can have these same thoughts and ideas of low self-esteem.
So, how can I increase my self-esteem? I have an older sister, who I always admired and thought was beautiful and I still do. She attempted to be like a mentor to me and I can remember being in junior high school, that awkward time and age when we aren't finished growing and we are so not anywhere near being mature. But she told me there were a few things that won't make me beautiful, smoking like a chimney, (don't even start smoking), don't drink beer from a bottle (I don't even like beer) and this one came later when I was going out with friends and dancing, dance with the "ugly" boy, because the "good looking" one is watching. Those are a few things and there were countless others, but, the one that has always stuck with me is this, I have long fingers and I am the only female in the family who's able to grow out her nails (outside of my mother) and my sister told me to start painting my nails. To this day, when I am NOT feeling my best, I paint my nails. I have a crazy bag of nail polish, too.
Do I feel empowered once my nails are painted? Quite honestly, I can say yes! Play up what you feel is your best quality. Whether its physical or mental, you have the power to change yourself and the way you think about yourself. You don't have to wait for someone to come along and tell you so and if they tell you different, then you know you don't have to accept it as truth.
http://youtu.be/Ye7PIyIcCro
The video of Maria in Westside Story singing "I feel pretty"
I am certain there are plenty of powerful women in this world who don't feel pretty, but, yet, are highly capable of running their country, their communities, their corporations, families, etc. But, why is it that beauty has be rolled up into power? Personally, I think, sexy rolls up into power or empowerment, but, if you aren't feeling sexy, then you aren't exactly feeling pretty, are you?
When I work with young girls, preteens and teenagers and self-esteem is the issue, I discuss with them what their definition of pretty or beautiful would be. And then I ask them, what do you think power or being empowered is? Its interesting the varying answers. But, the underlying message is still the same, because something didn't work out or someone doesn't like them, its all has to do with looks or not being this or that, or having this or that, ie, the right clothes, the right car, hanging out with the wrong crowd or the right crowd.
I find it alarming when an 8 year old (who is still very much growing and hasn't started puberty, yet) says she feels fat, or the clothes she wears are uncomfortable and she's fat. This isn't the message she gets from her mother, but that isn't always the case, either. She doesn't seem to get the concept that she is still growing and maturing and her body is changing and morphing and she isn't fat. These concepts aren't just female specific. Young boys and men can have these same thoughts and ideas of low self-esteem.
So, how can I increase my self-esteem? I have an older sister, who I always admired and thought was beautiful and I still do. She attempted to be like a mentor to me and I can remember being in junior high school, that awkward time and age when we aren't finished growing and we are so not anywhere near being mature. But she told me there were a few things that won't make me beautiful, smoking like a chimney, (don't even start smoking), don't drink beer from a bottle (I don't even like beer) and this one came later when I was going out with friends and dancing, dance with the "ugly" boy, because the "good looking" one is watching. Those are a few things and there were countless others, but, the one that has always stuck with me is this, I have long fingers and I am the only female in the family who's able to grow out her nails (outside of my mother) and my sister told me to start painting my nails. To this day, when I am NOT feeling my best, I paint my nails. I have a crazy bag of nail polish, too.
Do I feel empowered once my nails are painted? Quite honestly, I can say yes! Play up what you feel is your best quality. Whether its physical or mental, you have the power to change yourself and the way you think about yourself. You don't have to wait for someone to come along and tell you so and if they tell you different, then you know you don't have to accept it as truth.
http://youtu.be/Ye7PIyIcCro
The video of Maria in Westside Story singing "I feel pretty"
Empowerment...What is it? How can I get it?.
Lately, I've been asked where did my power go? Or, how can I get my power back, after I've given it away?
Two very important questions and the answers are pretty simple.
First of all, we never really lose our power, we just seem to give it away. We seem to lose ourselves in relationships of all kinds, ie, professional, personal, family, etc. We feel strong in the beginning, but, then over time, something happens and we seem to lose it somewhere and then wonder where in the world did we leave it or how did we lose it?
Its important to know that as women, we always have the power. We have the power to say no, the power to say yes, even the prerogative to change our minds when we want. We are empowered and we are powerful. Its when we start believing the false information that has been "kindly" handed down to us by those unassuming or even consciously aware individuals, who aren't feeling all that powerful themselves, that we buy into their stuff and we begin to feel as if we have nothing or we need to fix or take care of them and we lose our power, we've given it to them.
In your assertiveness you get to take it back. You are allowed to stand up for yourself and take back all that you have given away. Your prize possessions are your BODY, MIND and SOUL. If we allow others to harm us in anyway and our body, mind and soul are wounded, harmed or even destroyed, we can heal ourselves, we have that power to do so. We don't have to stay the victim and we don't have to continually re-victimize ourselves or continually run the same pattern over and over. You are strong, you have the strength to stand up for yourself, to love yourself, and even nurture yourself.
Girl! The power is in them shoes!
Two very important questions and the answers are pretty simple.
First of all, we never really lose our power, we just seem to give it away. We seem to lose ourselves in relationships of all kinds, ie, professional, personal, family, etc. We feel strong in the beginning, but, then over time, something happens and we seem to lose it somewhere and then wonder where in the world did we leave it or how did we lose it?
Its important to know that as women, we always have the power. We have the power to say no, the power to say yes, even the prerogative to change our minds when we want. We are empowered and we are powerful. Its when we start believing the false information that has been "kindly" handed down to us by those unassuming or even consciously aware individuals, who aren't feeling all that powerful themselves, that we buy into their stuff and we begin to feel as if we have nothing or we need to fix or take care of them and we lose our power, we've given it to them.
In your assertiveness you get to take it back. You are allowed to stand up for yourself and take back all that you have given away. Your prize possessions are your BODY, MIND and SOUL. If we allow others to harm us in anyway and our body, mind and soul are wounded, harmed or even destroyed, we can heal ourselves, we have that power to do so. We don't have to stay the victim and we don't have to continually re-victimize ourselves or continually run the same pattern over and over. You are strong, you have the strength to stand up for yourself, to love yourself, and even nurture yourself.
Girl! The power is in them shoes!
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