I do hope you receive the message in this post today. I felt moved to write this.
I've been grappling with the feeling of responsibility lately. Even had a conversation with my personal therapist about this recently, too.
I consider myself a very responsible person. I had my first car when I was 16 and quickly got a job, though I didn't have to, my parents never said I had to have one. I followed all the rules and tried not to break any laws that would cause me to go to jail or prison and I can say I've don't pretty well for myself. Several years later, in 2011 I lost my job, lost my car and my apartment. But I stayed faithful and ended up with two jobs, two cars and two houses the following year. I then realized recently, I have two cars and a house in my name without having any money, all because I have stayed faithful.
Yet, I learned something even BIGGER! I was "rewarded" these very things because staying faithful, I Provided for someone else. My room mate is a veteran, who was medically discharged from the Army with a seizure disorder. He opened his home to me when I lost mine and my job and because of this, not only did I have my family, I had him, as well. But, now, its time for me to be responsible for him, not just myself, financially, and I have been finding this to be a struggle. I have been presented numerous times with opportunities to open a private practice in my current city and I have been dragging my feet, even while in the process, I am dragging my feet, kicking and screaming, "NO! I won't do it!" But, God is awesome in reminding me of my plight two years prior and that I remained faithful to him and he Provided for me, it is now my turn to pay it forward.
I feel empowered and not powerless and I don't believe during the time when I lost everything did I feel powerless, I believe then I felt more empowered to see things clearly and not be bogged down by the responsibilities, and, now, I am able to provide for someone who went out of his way to help me, because I was there for him one night he collapsed and he subsequently opened his house for me. Most people would have said we are now even, but, our friendship is greater than that and I am able to provide him with God's love and be his support. It doesn't matter what you provide for others, as long as its POSITIVE. When you give to someone in need or when you help someone who is struggling just the same as you are, there is Power in the Gratitude.
This blog is to help remind women, they can keep their power. Mary Speight, MA, LMFT is an Author, Reiki Practitioner, Relationship Coach and Licensed Therapist.
"I feel pretty" - Leonard Berstein
I've been thinking about self-esteem and how it plays into our thoughts of empowerment or feeling that we are or aren't powerful.
I am certain there are plenty of powerful women in this world who don't feel pretty, but, yet, are highly capable of running their country, their communities, their corporations, families, etc. But, why is it that beauty has be rolled up into power? Personally, I think, sexy rolls up into power or empowerment, but, if you aren't feeling sexy, then you aren't exactly feeling pretty, are you?
When I work with young girls, preteens and teenagers and self-esteem is the issue, I discuss with them what their definition of pretty or beautiful would be. And then I ask them, what do you think power or being empowered is? Its interesting the varying answers. But, the underlying message is still the same, because something didn't work out or someone doesn't like them, its all has to do with looks or not being this or that, or having this or that, ie, the right clothes, the right car, hanging out with the wrong crowd or the right crowd.
I find it alarming when an 8 year old (who is still very much growing and hasn't started puberty, yet) says she feels fat, or the clothes she wears are uncomfortable and she's fat. This isn't the message she gets from her mother, but that isn't always the case, either. She doesn't seem to get the concept that she is still growing and maturing and her body is changing and morphing and she isn't fat. These concepts aren't just female specific. Young boys and men can have these same thoughts and ideas of low self-esteem.
So, how can I increase my self-esteem? I have an older sister, who I always admired and thought was beautiful and I still do. She attempted to be like a mentor to me and I can remember being in junior high school, that awkward time and age when we aren't finished growing and we are so not anywhere near being mature. But she told me there were a few things that won't make me beautiful, smoking like a chimney, (don't even start smoking), don't drink beer from a bottle (I don't even like beer) and this one came later when I was going out with friends and dancing, dance with the "ugly" boy, because the "good looking" one is watching. Those are a few things and there were countless others, but, the one that has always stuck with me is this, I have long fingers and I am the only female in the family who's able to grow out her nails (outside of my mother) and my sister told me to start painting my nails. To this day, when I am NOT feeling my best, I paint my nails. I have a crazy bag of nail polish, too.
Do I feel empowered once my nails are painted? Quite honestly, I can say yes! Play up what you feel is your best quality. Whether its physical or mental, you have the power to change yourself and the way you think about yourself. You don't have to wait for someone to come along and tell you so and if they tell you different, then you know you don't have to accept it as truth.
http://youtu.be/Ye7PIyIcCro
The video of Maria in Westside Story singing "I feel pretty"
I am certain there are plenty of powerful women in this world who don't feel pretty, but, yet, are highly capable of running their country, their communities, their corporations, families, etc. But, why is it that beauty has be rolled up into power? Personally, I think, sexy rolls up into power or empowerment, but, if you aren't feeling sexy, then you aren't exactly feeling pretty, are you?
When I work with young girls, preteens and teenagers and self-esteem is the issue, I discuss with them what their definition of pretty or beautiful would be. And then I ask them, what do you think power or being empowered is? Its interesting the varying answers. But, the underlying message is still the same, because something didn't work out or someone doesn't like them, its all has to do with looks or not being this or that, or having this or that, ie, the right clothes, the right car, hanging out with the wrong crowd or the right crowd.
I find it alarming when an 8 year old (who is still very much growing and hasn't started puberty, yet) says she feels fat, or the clothes she wears are uncomfortable and she's fat. This isn't the message she gets from her mother, but that isn't always the case, either. She doesn't seem to get the concept that she is still growing and maturing and her body is changing and morphing and she isn't fat. These concepts aren't just female specific. Young boys and men can have these same thoughts and ideas of low self-esteem.
So, how can I increase my self-esteem? I have an older sister, who I always admired and thought was beautiful and I still do. She attempted to be like a mentor to me and I can remember being in junior high school, that awkward time and age when we aren't finished growing and we are so not anywhere near being mature. But she told me there were a few things that won't make me beautiful, smoking like a chimney, (don't even start smoking), don't drink beer from a bottle (I don't even like beer) and this one came later when I was going out with friends and dancing, dance with the "ugly" boy, because the "good looking" one is watching. Those are a few things and there were countless others, but, the one that has always stuck with me is this, I have long fingers and I am the only female in the family who's able to grow out her nails (outside of my mother) and my sister told me to start painting my nails. To this day, when I am NOT feeling my best, I paint my nails. I have a crazy bag of nail polish, too.
Do I feel empowered once my nails are painted? Quite honestly, I can say yes! Play up what you feel is your best quality. Whether its physical or mental, you have the power to change yourself and the way you think about yourself. You don't have to wait for someone to come along and tell you so and if they tell you different, then you know you don't have to accept it as truth.
http://youtu.be/Ye7PIyIcCro
The video of Maria in Westside Story singing "I feel pretty"
Empowerment...What is it? How can I get it?.
Lately, I've been asked where did my power go? Or, how can I get my power back, after I've given it away?
Two very important questions and the answers are pretty simple.
First of all, we never really lose our power, we just seem to give it away. We seem to lose ourselves in relationships of all kinds, ie, professional, personal, family, etc. We feel strong in the beginning, but, then over time, something happens and we seem to lose it somewhere and then wonder where in the world did we leave it or how did we lose it?
Its important to know that as women, we always have the power. We have the power to say no, the power to say yes, even the prerogative to change our minds when we want. We are empowered and we are powerful. Its when we start believing the false information that has been "kindly" handed down to us by those unassuming or even consciously aware individuals, who aren't feeling all that powerful themselves, that we buy into their stuff and we begin to feel as if we have nothing or we need to fix or take care of them and we lose our power, we've given it to them.
In your assertiveness you get to take it back. You are allowed to stand up for yourself and take back all that you have given away. Your prize possessions are your BODY, MIND and SOUL. If we allow others to harm us in anyway and our body, mind and soul are wounded, harmed or even destroyed, we can heal ourselves, we have that power to do so. We don't have to stay the victim and we don't have to continually re-victimize ourselves or continually run the same pattern over and over. You are strong, you have the strength to stand up for yourself, to love yourself, and even nurture yourself.
Girl! The power is in them shoes!
Two very important questions and the answers are pretty simple.
First of all, we never really lose our power, we just seem to give it away. We seem to lose ourselves in relationships of all kinds, ie, professional, personal, family, etc. We feel strong in the beginning, but, then over time, something happens and we seem to lose it somewhere and then wonder where in the world did we leave it or how did we lose it?
Its important to know that as women, we always have the power. We have the power to say no, the power to say yes, even the prerogative to change our minds when we want. We are empowered and we are powerful. Its when we start believing the false information that has been "kindly" handed down to us by those unassuming or even consciously aware individuals, who aren't feeling all that powerful themselves, that we buy into their stuff and we begin to feel as if we have nothing or we need to fix or take care of them and we lose our power, we've given it to them.
In your assertiveness you get to take it back. You are allowed to stand up for yourself and take back all that you have given away. Your prize possessions are your BODY, MIND and SOUL. If we allow others to harm us in anyway and our body, mind and soul are wounded, harmed or even destroyed, we can heal ourselves, we have that power to do so. We don't have to stay the victim and we don't have to continually re-victimize ourselves or continually run the same pattern over and over. You are strong, you have the strength to stand up for yourself, to love yourself, and even nurture yourself.
Girl! The power is in them shoes!
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